They Ignore You When You Cry

 

Narcissists are takers.  They are not givers. They rely on you for attention and support, but when you need the same from them as a spouse, they are usually nowhere to be seen or they provide shamefully little when compared to what you do for them. Ordinarily, a spouse is interested in the well-being of their spouse. A man who loves his wife is hurt when she is hurt, just as she is hurt when he is hurt.  Not so with a narcissistic husband. My husband would never pay attention to me when I'm crying out of concern for me.  He has, though, seen me crying and started yelling harshly at me.  I always felt like he was kicking me when I was down.  In my case, it seems like he was avoiding accountability for his abusive actions toward me.  Also, he would use it as a way to punish me.  I do advise any who have to live with a narcissist to be prepared not to rely on them for emotional support.  You must, if at all possible, get a separate support system that does not involve them.  My husband was supposed to be my best friend and support system, but he has made himself an enemy and opponent.  Narcissists are just too selfish to be interested in why their partner is crying.  Read about it in the sixth Issue of Little Narc E-zine!

They Say They Can Have Anyone

When my husband told me that he could have anyone he wanted, I was shocked.  I almost laughed out loud. It sounded ridiculous. It takes some gall to think you can have anyone.  He sounded delusional to me.  I knew very well then, and still do, that I certainly cannot have anyone I want. I believe that when he said this to me, he was trying to convince me that I should be honored that he chose me. Never mind that he treated me like garbage.  I was chosen by him.  Therefore, I should have considered myself blessed.  I should stop my complaining of his poor treatment of me.  It was true that he could find someone else besides me, and would do so despite the fact that we were married.  I had already found out that he had a girlfriend earlier during our marriage.  I figured he probably still had a girlfriend (at least one) that I had not found out about.  But I cannot be convinced that he can have anyone he wants.  He simply is not God's gift to women as he seems to imagine.

Silent Treatment

 

I am very familiar with the silent treatment.  In fact, I just went through one last week.  It was short-lived; from Thursday to Saturday.  However, I have been through silent treatments that have lasted weeks. My spouse and I barely talk normally, but when he won't even answer a question regarding our son, I know I am being given the silent treatment. I'm not exactly sure why I was ignored this most recent time.  I can only speculate about possible reasons.  Something didn't go his way, that was actually out of my hands and I had no control over, but yet my spouse still felt the need to punish me for it.  If something happens that is not what he wanted, but is what I wanted, then I am likely to get punished just due to that fact.  He may even delude himself into thinking that I created the outcome somehow.  Narcissists are immature emotionally and vindictive.  Over minor things, little children cross their arms, pout, and say, "I'm not talking to you anymore!"  Immature, mean pre-teens treat a person they've deemed to be an outcast as if they are invisible when around them.  Mature, emotionally stable, responsible adults do not play the silent treatment game.  The game is extremely hurtful and can be very dangerous.  While they are ignoring someone, often for no reason at all, they could be allowing events to unfold that could lead to disastrous consequences. Do you experience the silent treatment? Please leave a comment about it. Read about it in the fourth Issue of Little Narc E-zine!

Interested in Sex, Not Real Intimacy

 

Back when I was still agreeable to having sexual intercourse with my narcissistic husband, I noticed that he would never try to spend time with me unless it was to have sex.  He, literally, would not look for me, think about me, or make any attempt at spending quality time with me at all outside of having sex.  I was always the one going to him to see if he wanted to do things with me. If he was doing something, I would try to see if I could tag along with him. I was the one who was always looking for fun activities for us to do together.  It was important for me to try to find things that I thought he might enjoy, not just something that looked good to me.  He did not do the same things in return.  Although sometimes he would join me in some activities, it was obvious that he was half-heartedly partaking in the activity.  He obviously did not crave to spend time with me- unless it was having sex.  It was after I had gone to bed, in the early morning hours when it was still dark, that he would come into the bedroom.  I am a very light sleeper, and him waking me up out of deep sleep was not good for me because it's difficult for me to get back to sleep.  I was sleep-deprived.  He didn't care.  I wanted more attention outside of sex.  He didn't care.  Can anybody relate to this?  Please leave a comment about it. Read about it in the third Issue of Little Narc E-zine!

Selective Assistance

Narcissists may or may not be helpful individuals, depending on the circumstances at the time.  My husband goes out of his way to be helpful to his blood relatives, friends, and people he doesn't even know personally.  As his wife, I get treated like trash... or the dirt beneath his shoes.  He is extremely hard-pressed to exert one iota of his energy to accomplish something in my behalf.  Yet, I continuously witness him expend boundless energy assisting others in matters that are less important.  As a side note, I am very well aware that there are many men who are married to female narcissists, so please don't think that I think only men are narcissists.  My e-zine is simply a reflection of my own perspective as a woman married to a male narcissist.  To the men dealing with their narcissistic wives, you are in my prayers and I hope I am in yours as well.  When it comes to narcissists who give selective assistance, have you ever experienced this?  Please leave a comment about it.  Read about it in the second Issue of Little Narc E-zine!

Attention Stealers

Narcissists LOVE attention.  They love it so much that they try to take it from you.  I remember a time when my husband shamelessly tried to steal attention away from me.  It was so ridiculous of him because he always basks in attention while I barely get any attention...ever.  Someone finally was paying a little attention to me and he couldn't handle it.  Have you had this experience? Comment about it below.  Read about it in the very first issue of Little Narc E-zine!